the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
