after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
