Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
