took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
