just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
