Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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