Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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