If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
These tits shall not be calmed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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