The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
