Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
