I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
