I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
