Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
