I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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