Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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