Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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