I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
