I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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