There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
