If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
