i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
