so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
