Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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