I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
