To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
