i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
