ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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