I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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