How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
