Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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