Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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