there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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