Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize