he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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