Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
