I wanna bring you to show and tell
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
