I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
