Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
