If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
