I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
