Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
