herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
