I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize