Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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