i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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