I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize