Jerry, you need to find god
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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