think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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