remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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