I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
