i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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