Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
