I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
