I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize