We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
