did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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