white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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