I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize