i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I could make wine with my vomit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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