Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
