This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my liver is dry heaving
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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