LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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