with your own penis?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
