It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
